Why I Write

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what compels me to write. I know why I love photography- it motives me to challenge myself in ways I never expected like climbing up a mountain for an epic view, or by facing the cold darkness of the night to capture star trails. Taking photographs makes me feel like I’m living my life to its fullest potential. In a way, so does writing.

I saw a quote by Joss Whedon which really spoke to me and it went like this: “I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.”

Who doesn’t want to live a day in the life of Buffy Sanders?! Slaying vampires and looking fabulously hot while doing it? Come on. If that is not reason enough to create kick-ass characters I don’t know what it is.

Seriously though, he said something which struck me “to explore all the things I’m afraid of.” For me, that is everything. Literally. I have anxiety and often respond to doing new things with “that sounds scary!” That is until I try them (I thought hiking in the snow in the middle of winter was terrifying until I tried snow-shoeing for the first time and now I love it…well the icy mountain roads still scare me a little bit…well a lot).

With writing though, I get to create worlds and be brave and slay the bad guys without ever leaving my home. That is pretty cool. In addition, my pesky characters will not leave me the f*** alone! I mean, some of them have been with me since middle school, just picking at my brain, begging me to be brave enough to put pen to paper. At some point, you just must give in. And I owe them that.

I cannot sit idly by while these stories blow away in the wind. I owe it to my characters to breathe life into them and do justice to their stories so that the world may know what they have done.

I remember when I was in high-school I joined a creative writing group because I knew it was something I wanted to do. I tried and I failed. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready to share my stories with actual people in the real world (as opposed to jotting down scenes in secret notebooks… which I still have by the way). Sometimes it’s not about having the courage to do something. Sometimes it’s about the right time in your life to do them.

Timing is everything and I truly believe we accomplish goals in our lifetime at the exact time that we are ready and willing to pursue them. It wasn’t my time in high school. I had other priorities and I really didn’t know who I was. I certainly wasn’t ready to embrace that person.

College was really the time when I took the leap and started taking writing classes which allowed me to explore this creative person that I have come to love. I even had to share my work with my peers and sometimes even out loud (gasp!) Talk about an out of body experience- sitting in a cramped basement classroom listening to a verbal reading of your screenplay while it’s critiqued. Of course, they were my words, but it didn’t feel like “my story,” it felt like I was listening to someone else’s dialogue and that freaked me out. Luckily, it wasn’t enough to scare me away completely.

After college, I dabbled here and there with writing, but adult life called, and I had to answer it by getting a paid “day-job” which turned into multiple careers. I’m proud of where I ended up, but some of those jobs were not so fun along the way. I guess everyone must suffer a little in order to know when a good opportunity comes along.

Through the years, I’ve always kept writing a secret, just for me. It’s always been there for me; something I keep at the back of my mind to justify my perceived inadequacies. If I didn’t feel smart enough it was okay because I can create worlds. If I didn’t see myself as pretty, I was fine with that because my characters are beautiful. If my life is boring and I’m too scared to do something, I won’t feel left out because my stories are epic enough for a lifetime of adventures.

I recently made the decision to pursue writing on a different level, to really get out there and do this. So, what changed for me? Why now? I believe it was a series of events which prepared me to look at the value of my spare time differently and reaching out to a friend to join a writing group.
Many people view writing as a solo activity, and to some degree this is true. There is a certain amount of solitude needed to get into your own head space, to analyze your thoughts and allow that creative energy to flow. But you can’t do it alone, at least I can’t. I’m a team-sport kind of person.

I think many people need a community of like-mind individuals who are all working towards the same goals in order to hold themselves accountable. A support system of cheerleaders who inspire and motivate you to keep going during the good times and the bad. The beautiful creative times and the ugly, crying on the floor, writers-block moments. So, I thank my new “tribe” of women writers who inspire me more than they probably realize.

Regardless of the time which has passed, or the many jobs that have come and gone, my stories were always alive inside of me. I am grateful that they refused to leave me alone because the comfort of knowing that I could always go back to them kept me alive.

I know the real reason why I write- because I never feel more like myself than when I have pen to paper creating worlds which are all my own. It’s the closest thing to magic that I will ever experience. And I love magic.